The ramblings of an insomniac.

Hello fellow bloggerites, or bloggerions or whatever you want to be called,

This is a bit of a spur of the moment post, I'm lying in bed, which is apparently when my mind decides it's time to run wild and think about everything in the world. It's true I over-think things, so I thought I'd try writing down what I was thinking, while I was thinking it, and see what happens. Just for shits and giggles primarily.

I started off thinking about college, and  then wondered why the fuck I am there. A music degree, in my personal opinion, isn't worth the paper it's written on if you want to be a working musician and not a teacher. If I went into a bar asking for a gig there, they would ask for a CD, maybe an audition of some sort, and if I said "No, but you can have a copy of my BA certificate" they would most likely laugh in my face. The reason I want to study music, is to learn skills I can apply in every day life, and so far at Gateshead college, I have learned VERY little. I feel like Barcelona FC coming over to england to take on Willington FC, I'm being taught things I already know, and it's frustrating as shit.

So I thought to myself, what would I do if I wasn't in college? Maybe start my own company with little to no initial investment? Sign on to the dole because nowhere will give me a job? Up the ante on my gigs, and get sucked into the club singer route and end up dying an old man with a sparkly jacket and a fake tan, singing Sweet caroline for the Butlins masses? All of these ideas sound thick to me. But of course, this is all hypothetical.

Chances are I'll stay at Gateshead college, showing no enthusiasm for my work whatsoever, finish with a mediocre grade, and then end up taking one of the above routes anyway. Because let's face it, unless I hit it big and tour the world and what not, or become a wedding singer (shudder) I'm not going to make anywhere near enough money to support myself and my son. Maybe a change in career? But what? I can't do shit other than music. I could go work in a shop or something like that, but I feel like doing that is taking the easy route out and giving up on everything I have dreamed of... Platinum selling albums, selling out arena tours, Ryan Gosling playing me in the movie adaptation of my life. I really don't know what to do with myself, every idea opens so many new problems and opportunities.

The bottom line is it's a huge world out there, and the trick to succeeding is finding out exactly where you fit into it. Some people fit into the 9-5 role, some people fit into religion, some people fit into superstardom. And the only way I'm going to find out where I fit in this big fucked up world, is by having a look around it, maybe poking my head around some doors and asking questions.

Okay, so I've strayed away from my original thoughts pretty quickly, welcome to my mind. I over-think everything and when I get an idea as to where I want to go, I dismiss it and go back to square one. Who knows, maybe that's where I fit in? Maybe I'm destined to be that fat guy living in a council house, drinking cans of special brew in my overgrown garden and shouting at the neighbours kids. It's not what I want, but somebody has to fit there, don't they? Isn't society built on a ladder of classes? The council flat alcoholics leech off of the 9-5ers. The 9-5ers leech off of the business higher-ups. The business higher-ups leech off of the rich and famous. You get my point.

At the end of the day, I'm 20 years old, I (probably) have a lot of life left. And the question I have to ask myself is do I want to spend it surviving, or living?

So yeah, I hope you have enjoyed this tour of 5 minutes worth of thinking in my mind. Please be sure to take all personal belongings and exit to the left of the vehicle.

Gan canny lads and lasses.

(A very sleep deprived) Stephen.

PS. If you like this blog, please share it with your friends. Partly to inflate my ego, and partly so I can get a broader range of a opinions on everything. But mainly the ego thing.